Three disempowering beliefs... Authority as Truth...Guilt ...and Need.

Whilst standing on a friend’s balcony overlooking the financial centre of London, I listened as the credit crunch situation was being explained to me. This was from the perspective of someone who understands this arena, from within the financial world. My friend proffered the observation, ‘...there are always adjustments in the economy...’. I reflected on this statement and what it would mean to the various levels of people across the world. Behind those words were pre suppositions that meant different things dependent on a person’s situation. A market adjustment to a person involved in the higher echelons of the financial industry may mean no new shoes that week. To a person at the bottom of the financial eco system; it may mean bankruptcy, loss of their homes, perhaps a break up of a relationship as the stress of financial hardship takes hold. It is systems theory in action. Moreover, it will continue to happen unless people learn to understand the role they are playing in the economic system. Paradoxically banks need people to engage in debt for them to continue to operate. A certain level of society are going to keep experiencing the same thing over and over unless they learn to change behaviours. It is helpful to change these three beliefs if you want to change unhelpful behaviours.

· That Authority represents the truth

· That you should feel guilty

· That you need certain ‘things’ to be happy

The belief that Authority represents Truth.

It is if you like part of the checks and balances of any system, when a dollar is produced by the Federal Reserve in America, it comes with debt built in. From what I can gather, this debt is passed through the system, and like any system in the Universe; if there is behaviour which carries risk, it will collapse.. So if adjustments are a part of the economic system, why are we subjected to it and not warned earlier. Why do the governments and those in authority not tell us to change our behaviour before disaster strikes? Because it is not in their interest to do so; there is an implicit system goal of getting more. Regardless of the results further down the chain, the people at the top need you to keep on spending. It is similar to chain letters that promise money if you get more people involved. It is an unsustainable business model because it always reaches a threshold point, and collapses. But people in authority will not change anything; quite the opposite; they are at the top of the pyramid... They always win in the end!

It is even hidden in the language the authorities use, it is known as sleight of mouth in NLP terms. The term adjustment does not give you any idea of what it actually means to the people at the bottom of the system. When authorities present recession in terms like ‘adjustment’ it disguises the true impact further down and if they don’t acknowledge the effects they don’t have to worry about it. They just point fingers at the victims and say ‘they’ behaved irresponsibly; and must now pay the consequences. David Weinberger, fellow at Harvard’s Berkman Center for Internet & Society said ...

’it would be in everyone's interest if we had more truth and less authority, more humility and less institutional arrogance’.


We cannot continue along the same lines because the same problems will trigger the same disasters
French President Nicolas Sarkozy


We could do with going out there and learning the truth of the situation, and not allow authority to dictate their truth on us. Authority is in the hands of those that stand the most to gain. They do not have any use for your truth, they use the veneer of power to make you believe you should comply. Like sheep, people at the bottom of the pyramid; keep allowing marketing to dictate their behaviour and accept the debt the wolves offer them. They do this because they want to believe that authority e.g. corporations, religions et al; are good and wise. This then relieves them of the burden of thinking for themselves and responsibility as they continue to consume. Organisational/ Systems guru, Peter Senge points to the fact that leaders who attempt to change the situation often face resistance which is a response by the system. This is because

...’the norm is entrenched because the distribution of authority and control is entrenched’.

Make truth your authority as opposed to believing that authority is truth. Become your own expert on what will work for you, and not follow Authority blindly. Any system which is run by humans is always going to be inherently flawed because humans are involved (unless we have a major shift in consciousness). Authority’s mission in life is to control its resources, you are a resource for the system; which leads onto the next disempowering belief...

The belief we should experience Guilt

When caught in a situation like on the wrong end of the credit crunch or divorced, people often feel guilty. As Mark Twain’s The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn points out. ..

‘That’s always the way it is. It don’t make no difference if you do right or wrong. A man’s conscience just goes for him’.

Twenty years later Sigmund Freud came to the same conclusion. Freud realised that this is the result of a struggle between the ego and the superego. Guilt is an experience that occurs when a person believes- whether justified or not - that he or she has violated a standard and is responsible. So are you responsible if you fail in a financial system in which the rules are not made explicit, when you are in fact encouraged to play to lose by authority?

Are you responsible for failing at a relationship when you have not been taught in schools how to ‘do marriage’?

Most people do not know what is really going on in themselves, in their relationships and in the world around them. Most of us are busy trying to secure a position of respectability according to norms created by institutions; the majority of which use guilt as a means of control. People do not know this because there are no classes at school which inform them of who they are and how the real world operates. The problem with guilt is that it also carries with it feelings of self pity and helplessness. When you are in this emotional state you are focussed on what is wrong and not on what is possible. Real guilt would actually be short lived, because if you are feeling guilty, you can immediately stop what you are doing and then the guilty feelings will go away. You would feel better but what actually happens is that we experience what Family Therapist Homer McDonald calls Pseudo guilt; and it is very destructive. We become addicted to our pain because our damaged ego (which wants to be seen as perfect) gets strokes from this pain. To continue makes us focus on what we did wrong and where the attention goes is where our energy goes.

The belief we Need things and people to make us happy.

If we see everything as a need in order to experience happiness; we become disempowered. It prevents us from letting go of things when necessary. We waste energy trying to preserve the status quo, and become slaves to our so called ‘needs’. The more adaptable a person is, the more success that person will experience. If you have to adapt due to circumstances; then if you can do so without the pain of loss, you will recover faster. Possessions and money do not make you happy; in fact no sooner have you had a raise than you want another one. Need for a thing is an insatiable beast one that can never be satisfied without a change in beliefs about what really makes you happy. The more you need something you will find the less you get of it. The less you desperately need something, the more attractive you become. If you find a partner pulling away from you in a relationship, the more you show them that you do not need them, the more they will come back towards you. Everything is a preference, you prefer to have the latest ‘stuff’; you would prefer to be in a happy relationship with your partner...But you don’t need it to be happy, all the stuff of the world is an illusion anyway. You never truly are in control and as soon as you stop needing to be in control the more you seem to attract into your life the things which give you pleasure.

Martin Seligman who developed Positive Psychology did research into what makes people happy. He realised that simply taking pain away from a person, did not necessarily make them happier; Freud also said ‘Insight is not healing’ but was only half the journey. You have to go in the complete opposite direction, you have to focus on some worthwhile goal, develop a purpose in life which you are passionate about. By doing this you are not focussed on how bad you feel or how terrible the situation is. You are focussed on how you can overcome the challenges and make a positive difference to the world.

What Seligman found was that happy people have three attributes in common.

· Meaning... They have a purpose to create something or make a positive difference in the world. This is thought to be the highest order emotional need by psychologist Abraham Maslow and it is at the top of Maslow’s Emotional Hierarchy. When we find a meaning or purpose we are at our most motivated. This Seligman determined is the most important attribute to happiness. Viktor Frankle, the developer of Logo therapy, also discovered that the people who had a strong reason or purpose in life, had a better survival rate in the Nazi death camps. Those who simply focussed on how bad a situation they were in, simply gave up and died.

· Engagement... Being in a state of performance where time flies past is engagement. It is doing something which enhances what Positive Psychologist Mihaly Csíkszentmihályi describes as flow. By doing work which is in alignment with your natural talents and passions is the way to experience engagement. Dr. Seligman found this to be the second most important way to experience more happiness in your life.

· Pleasure... People, it was determined, who experienced a lot of pleasure in life were often successful, were usually in a committed relationship and had lots of friends who acted as a support network. To experience pleasure and have the ‘stuff’ which comes from being successful is actually the icing on the cake. Having all the money in the world will not guarantee happiness for long if you are not able to find a purpose in life. One of the ways to experience more pleasure now, is to become more mindful. We are often in what is known as a state of performance momentum. We are so ‘busy being busy’ we do not take time to truly appreciate what is good about our situation now. By taking time to really appreciate what is good about our environment, our loved ones, even stopping to appreciate what a good job we have done washing the dishes; are all ways of experiencing more pleasure.

The only thing we really need to do in life is breathe, and we shouldn’t rely on others and circumstances to make us happy. By changing these three disempowering beliefs, we will find ourselves at a new level of freedom and joy. Self awareness and self acceptance leads to confidence. If we combine that with rational thinking it will lead to self empowerment. People, who are in touch with themselves and reality, do not waste time feeling bad. Instead they appreciate what is already here and focus on what they can do to move forward in life with passion and joy.

It is always a choice...And there are always more choices!

Imagine driving to a destination using one of those fold up maps to guide you. Now in order to make the Map easier to use, you would usually re-fold the map with just a small portion of the map you are focussed on. You do this so that it is easy to use, a quick glance and you can check whether you are on course... Can you not?

Now imagine on your journey you are driving along and the road is closed or there are major road works seriously slowing your progress. You go back to your map and see in the section of the map you have folded that there is only this one route. So you carry on, in the slow lane or even worse, remain stuck in a place you do not want to be. Now am pretty sure, that most of us would actually open the Map at this point, unfolding your world. Suddenly there are more choices; you can go a different route. It might be slightly longer, but there are other interesting places along this alternative route with opportunities to learn more about your world. You might even find a quicker route if you only took time to look at the unfolded map.

Our beliefs are very much like this, they are a map of our reality. We have a lot of information in our head, and so like the map, we gather the rules of life that we are familiar with, and keep them close to hand. We in effect make our reality smaller. This saves us time in making decisions about every little choice. We streamline our everyday life by subconsciously referring to this map of our reality. This is done by deleting, distorting and sometimes exaggerating the information that is available to us. Everyone has a different map of their own reality and it is based on previous experiences and historical influences.

What if the way you think it is... Isn’t the way it really is?

Well it isn’t is it? The map has so much information deleted from it, e.g. no sheep on it, that when you refer to the map it is nothing like the terrain you are driving along. So it is with your beliefs, imagine if we still believed that the world was flat. Such a massive global belief, but everyone believed it. Look at your situation and ask yourself what beliefs you have about yourself that are just not working for you. I would be interested to get a response from anyone who actually believed they had a completely true grip on reality. Is there such as a thing as a ‘truth’ is there anything that isn’t open to question?

What is interesting is that the higher you go up the ladder of success, influence and fame... the more you have to defend your beliefs and the harder it becomes to adapt. Your suppose to be the expert and society expects you to get it right all the time or else why are we bothering to listen to you. So rather than admitting they are wrong, they very often work harder to control the situation and the media so they do not have to. Not all fun being Prime Minister after all!

The problem with some beliefs is that they are severely limiting. Your negative beliefs are what will keep you in a ‘stuck’ situation. They will limit your happiness because even though you don’t necessarily believe some ‘rules’ are fair; others will use them as a way to control you. Keeping you stuck or under their control by citing some ‘Global Belief’ like Religion and Law or Cultural/Societal/Family Tradition. A lot of beliefs which are used to control and keep you in your place were designed many years ago, and may have served the good of the group or individual. But most of the time, knowledge and situations change. It is interesting how people keep citing these ‘old traditions’ when it suits them. Or use the Media to persuade us that we must believe something, or go along with a course of action to defend these traditions.

Check out:-

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1819807590622092171&vt=lf&hl=en


http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-594683847743189197

Or Al Gore’s Inconvenient Truth for examples of the kind of different views that people are becoming aware of. A shorter Al Gore talk is here...

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1819807590622092171&vt=lf&hl=en

Now those are some global views of different perspectives, how does it relate to us in our lives?

Well if you look at examples of these Global myths, it opens up your map of reality. You cannot help but relate them to your own situation. How much do myths control your world and keep you stuck in a disempowered place. We are so programmed into thinking we have no choices, and made to feel guilty if we do not follow the Status Quo; that we just allow ourselves to be abused. We often choose fear over freedom, just so we do not end up in a fight against authority, the system, religion, bullying husbands/wives. We continually try to make our situation work within a framework in which we can never win. Do you ever feel like you are trying to keep your head above water whilst tied by heavy chains? This philosophy of control filters down from the highest echelons of world power, right down to you as an individual. This is because each layer of power models the level above. The sad thing is that the people who are doing this often do not think they are wrong. They are just modelling those who came before them, whether that be parents or predecessors within organisations. They have been brain washed already and just do what has always been done. Eating everything off your plate during the war years was a good idea in scarcity, not so now.

The bad stuff rolls down hill...
The old saying that the crap rolls down hill is true, the lower your status or situation, the more ‘stuff’ you usually have to deal with. Moreover, you usually have fewer reserves to deal with what gets thrown at you. The only way to get out of this situation is to... quite simply change the rules. I do not mean break the rules, but to move yourself to a situation where the rules do not have to apply. Whenever the government brings in new tax laws, the wealthy hire experts to find a way around the rules. The rules only end up applying to people who are in a totally regulated situation, e.g. people who are employed and cannot claim the same things as those who are self employed.

It is not easy to move from a painful situation and a new set of beliefs will often have to be tried on for size. Divorce was introduced to help people move from an unhealthy relationship that is not working; but it is not an easy step. Clients who have taken the step of changing their work situation usually feel like it is a major challenge; although invariably state it was the best thing they ever did. It appears the fear of changing is often worse than the change itself. But the freedom that is gained is often worth the trouble. A word of warning, don’t try to convince people you are right and they are wrong. Unless people are ready to change themselves you will be alienated and insulted. Take it slowly and gently with others, beware of their efforts to sabotage your efforts and they will. It is very scary for people to have to change their beliefs. Look at what happened to Al Gore when trying to bring new information regarding the environment that didn’t fit with the mainstream politics. He was ridiculed and derided on the world stage by his peers. Although what he says is backed up by scientists worldwide, ‘they’ did not allow him to get into a position where he could have made some real changes.

What people tend to forget is that we humans are very resourceful and adaptable creatures. In fact one could argue we are the most adaptable on the planet. It is only the fear of breaking away from tradition or the status quo (basically our limiting map of the world), that prevents us from seeing the options that are available to us. In order for us to be able to do this, we need some tools. Self awareness, self acceptance, self confidence combined with an awareness of your reality. Learn more about yourself and the real world you inhabit. Determine what is really true in your world, unfold your map and explore your options. Are you controlled by your religion, ex partners, your financial situation or even your physical environment? A friend of mine once told me that the only thing you ‘need’ to do in life is breathe. Everything else is a choice, and there are ALWAYS more choices, if you are prepared to face your fears and start asking difficult but empowering questions.

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director, 'How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalised?'
'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'
'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'
''No,' said the Director. 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?'

A brighter future starts with one action today!

Dedicated to a special person who is dealing with the coco crunch & war on terrapins! x

Credit Crunch Blues!

With the announcement of the 158-year-old Leahman investment bank collapse, the Credit Crunch is an example of even so called 'experts' not getting it right. Now if they can get it wrong, then hardly surprising when we mere mortals can get it wrong. Not only in our financial plans, but in our health and personal relationships too.

Two Points for future reference which will help your recovery...

Become your own expert.

It is known that when patients go to hospitals those that (whilst listening to the doctors advice), also become experts on how they can get better, recover quickly. The patients that give up all personal control and rely purely on their Doctor..do not fair so well. So, in the present situation, it is essential that you learn what you can do to recover your situation for yourself. Wether it be from a relationship or business challenge, or from an injury/illness.

Dont believe the 'Hype'

Whilst some people are suffering from the credit crunch, a lot of people who are not affected by it, are just waiting for it to happen. It has become part of our collective consciousness, and unfortuatley , Doom and Gloom sells papers and increases Media revenue..so... Thats exactly what the Media will focus on. It is a lack of confidence which sometimes affects what happens on the markets... Just bad news, wether it has an actual effect or not. People are predicting machines, and we all know about the effects of Self Phropecy. Just having that information in our heads affects our behaviour and our thinking. Whatever we believe, becomes our reality, so if you want to feel better; get a different slant, go out and find some good news. Not everyone is suffering from the credit crunch around the world. Brazil, a formerly very poor country, is booming, asian banks are investing in American banks. Apparently more millionaires were made as a result of the Wall street crash than any other time.
The keys here are to accept reality, get your head out of the sand, stop acting like helpless 'victims and adapt. Get knowledgable about your pridicament, whatever negative situation you are in, and make a plan. Action the plan, and notice the results, if they are not working adapt until it does work. Action not analysis brings Clarity and Persistence Action makes for Success.

You can either wait for the disaster to land, or stop the free fall; pre empt it by adapting quickly and effectively. Species that become too reliant on one way of operating are the ones that become extinct. So too with businesses. The ones that ignore the warning signs, (which are usually there but get ignored), and just carry on hoping for the best, are the ones that go down...

Look at the environment, I did a degree in Environmental Science about 10 yrs ago, what is happening now, was predicted then and before, but the Goverments and Big Business just carried on... Now they will either have to adapt drastically, and painfully or we will all die out during an Ice Age!..

Become and expert on you and your situation. Zig when the shoal are Zagging. It is possible for you to be right and the rest of the world to be wrong... They just wont admit it!

SMART Goals My Ass!

S.M.A.R.T. goals are a common method touted in most management and personal development books as the way to plan your goals. There are various meanings but it mainly comes down to setting measurable achievable and time bound goals. The Problem with this is that we tend to believe that if this method is written in books then it must work. If we do not achieve our goals on time then it is a fair assumption to believe that there must be something wrong with us. Well if other people follow this and succeed and we haven’t... we must have a problem with success and happiness i.e. we are not going to achieve it.
With the best will in the world we need some luck; in fact actually, we need some sustained luck. I know this goes against the grain and that we are suppose to remain responsible for our situation (and for some of it we probably are!) but when you are at a real low in life there are certain things that are against you.
People are Dumb!
Yes people really are, not always individually but as a group or within a culture or bureaucracy people act just plain dumb. The reason we need luck is because a lot of the time, our life is dependent on the actions of others, it doesn’t matter what you do there is always the possibility of some body of people or person who will put a spanner in the works just at the point you want them to say 'YES' they so ‘NO’. I'll give you an example from my own experience. I came up with a great idea, after speaking to a horse riding Instructor friend of mine. There are lots of riders who have fallen off their horses and as a result become afraid of riding and are often forced to leave the sport or pastime because of it. Now I happen to have designed a Model of confidence and using NLP techniques am able to help riders overcome these fears, sometimes in minutes, even when they have had the fear for a long period of time. Now I went to the biggest organisation in the riding world and told them this. I held a workshop for Instructors and it was touted as one of the best workshops this organisation has ever held. In fact I also have had lots of great testimonials from riders I have worked with. I thought 'Bingo!' this is it, have found a way to do some good and make money. So I set up workshops around the country with the Specific measureable goals .i.e. dates and venues. Was it achievable, hell yeah, what Instructor wouldn’t like to be able to help their un confident riders with the new tools and the Model I had designed.
Now for some unknown reason to me, some of the regional officers who had promised to promote the workshops...simply didn’t! What’s more when I went back to the organisation after the workshops had to be cancelled due to a lack of response (because people didn’t hear about them), they said they would allow me to say I had worked with them, but could not support me any further. Translate that to mean I can give them credit for being involved without them actually doing anything about it. When I discussed this with an Instructor I was training in NLP..(at a loss I might add), they said I had ruffled their feathers, and the reason they were not helping me is because I would be earning money out of this. It was as if there was some rule against me making money, do you think they would say the same to Doctors?
I told you people are ‘Just Plain Dumb’ sometimes. It was a viable solution for them, it was really a win-win-win for everyone, but they just said no! Now if I had SMART goals for that that would have been a big failure.
So it is important to realise that it is a paradox, you should set goals in life, even if you do not have the power to achieve them. God or the Universe moves in mysterious ways, however, you have to remember that you can actually have no idea how you will achieve them, or when. Just by setting these Goals your unconscious mind will set about finding the resources and circumstances you need.
There are 2 types of goals, achievement goals and performance goals. Achievement goals are the goals that you want in the future i.e. so many new clients, closer to a target weight, found a job doing ventriloquism. Whatever it is, it will probably be out of your direct control. Performance goals are the goals you do have more control over, they are the things you do can do without needing anyone else’s permission. Even performance goals are not completely under your control, a tsunami might hit, or it might be you just do not have the Emotional energy to complete the tasks. You just do not feel you can do it. In the old days Inuit’s would sometimes die, inches from their shelters because they had completely run out of energy. (if you have ever been depressed or down, you know what this feels like). So the important thing is to remember that goal setting is another one of those paradox’s in life. You should set them, but then let go of the outcome. Do not get so transfixed on when you should have them by or how you will get there.
Let go and let GOD
An old saying but as Mathew said in the Bible, those that have, more shall be given, and those that haven’t more shall be taken away... tell me about it! You have to be in a situation or have an attitude where you do not feel you need the goal. I found that when you really need something, the people seem to sense it and deny you your happiness. People are just plain dumb, and will sometimes cut their nose off their face to stop you getting your way. If you have ever felt like you are in a conspiracy, then you will understand what I mean. You sometimes have to sneak up on goals like you would get hold of a horse, you have to act disinterested and let the goals be attracted to you. Don’t ask me why this is, or why people act like this. I don’t think understanding will change it, you just need to know how to get over it. Set goals, and set yourself performance goals, and just gain some enjoyment of achieving a small measure of success. I was feeling down and all this lot came to me on top of East Lomond hill. I couldn’t control others, but I was able to set myself a target of getting to the top of that Hill. As I watched a guy fly his remote control plane off the top, I was a million miles from my problems. I was happy in that moment. It was a goal I could achieve, so while you are waiting for the Achievement goals, get on with some Performance goals, because nothing attracts Success like Success itself.
Best wishes...:o)

creating a purpose to direct you...

Purpose

When we focus on our present situation and how we feel, we become more sensitive to how bad things are. It is a higher-order human emotional need to have a purpose in life. When we are able to focus on a meaningful purpose, it galvanises you into action. Your focus is on a vision of the future, and moving towards this vision is the road to happiness. It is by using the law of indirect effort you become happy by attempting to achieve a worthy goal, you cannot ‘get’ happiness from any place.

Worthy Goal

By having a purpose which is bigger than us, it becomes more than a personal goal; it becomes a cause, meaning the shift of focus will go outwards.

This is a good thing as the purpose will form a vision which needs to be clear, with tasks. In the ‘creating a POWERful vision’ tool in the book, you will add colour, sounds and feelings to the whole process of helping to create a purpose for your life.

Shift your focus outside of how you are feeling, and towards something worthwhile... it will allow you to feel some success again!

There is no justice, it Just is!:o)

Life is neither fair nor unfair, it is just life. Nothing has any inherent meaning other than what we put on something. So if something happens to you that is undesirable, you might attach a meaning on it that you have been dealt an unfair blow.

Don't bother; it won't help!

There is very little point in mulling over how badly off you have been treated by people or circumstances. Yeah you might feel ok, for a minute or so, or until you finish off that bottle of wine.. But when you wake up feeling jaded the next day, guess what!? Your probably in a worse place than the day before. It is one more day of inactivity; a day when you could be moving towards a brighter future...wasted, and whats more you probably feel worse because of the wine.

Sure a healthy pampering session is good to lick your wounds, class that as R&R.

Do not waste time whining (your freinds are probably sick of hearing it or worried about you when you do) Instead plot your revenge to live a great life!

Okay you may not have all the answers now, do something..anything, go wash the dishes or go for a walk. If you are outside look upwards and ask yourself some empowering questions...

How can I (despite the people who seem hell bent on destroying me, or the illness or whatever it is), despite these circumstances, How can I come out on top and whats more enjoy the process!???

And keep asking the question...and whats more...make a plan and Take action on the answers....and if you keep asking the right Questions...the Answers will come...

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking...

Until the good times come again, take care of yourself, exercise, (I know you dont feel like it,) Come on push yourself, get up and get going... Dont destroy yourself whilst your waiting for the good times to come back... Be ready for them, keep as healthy as you can, and as upbeat as you can...Despite the circumstances.. The world is watching you, come on be an Inspration to others and young people, be a role model for Stoicism... Get up and get moving...

Remember you cant change the weather, you wouldnt want the Sun to stop rising in the morning (nor should you), if you dont like the weather where you are, move to a Sunnier Place!.

Power and success to you all... Martin:o)

Pull The reserve Parachute NOW!

Stop the free fall Now!

The first thing to do when you are experiencing a down turn is to catch it as early as you can and stop the freefall into disaster. Face reality and take action now. It is the delay that makes the situation much worse and longer lasting. If you were freefall parachuting and your main chute failed to open, would you wait a bit until it you pulled the reserve?... Not likely I venture!

Most people fail to take action because they are in a state of denial and/or they perceive the recovery process to be more painful. Another problem is they think they should feel bad, society has expectations that you should punish yourself; feel guilty if you feel happy in spite of your circumstances. But what will that achieve? So they wait until enough negative motivation has built up, (i.e. things have become much worse!), before they do something positive.

Do something NOW!